The one who is dead to self will certainly not even notice some things that others would-for example, things such as social slights, verbal putdowns and innuendos, or physical discomforts. But many other rebuffs to "the dear self" as the philosopher Immanuel Kant called it, will be noticed still, often quite clearly. However, if you are dead to self to any significant degree, these rebuffs will not take control of us, not even to the point of disturbing our feelings or peace of mind. We will, as St. Francis of Assisi said, "wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there lightly."
Lately I keep thinking about how hard it can be for me to "let go" when stuff happens to me. Just yesterday I had someone on the road get quite upset with me for something seemingly small, but they were so mad that they flipped me off more than once. My reaction was revealing of my heart. No, I didn't flip them back off, but instead responded with a look that said- why are you freaking out? I wanted so badly for them to understand their own wrongness in it and the feeling for me was so strong. In a split moment I knew I had the option to not react and to let it pass and let it go- but instead I allowed my heart to get fired up and for such a small thing to consume me. It is embarrassing to even admit, but true. Referring to what St. Francis said, I think I allow little things to hang on me like a heavy winter coat. Lord please change my heart and my ability to let go.
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