Inevitable change

I haven't written anything for a while-over a month in fact.  I think that there hasn't been a shortage of thoughts but an uncertainty about how to write about my life right now.  I have entered unchartered personal territory.  I'm going to be a mom.

In the last week or so what use to just be a fact in my head (there is a human supposedly growing in me) has become confirmed by the growing mass on my stomach.  Good thing my friend Hilary informed me of the hair tie trick to wear my jeans a little longer!

I have felt a mix of things, but last night was maybe the first time I experienced some fear.  Fear of the inevitable change.  Last night I started thinking about how I will inevitably experience labor, inevitably lose independence, inevitably lose sleep, inevitably have days ahead of me where my child is disobedient and will chose not to love me in return, inevitably have identity and role changes, inevitably life will change.  There is no going back now.

Don't get me wrong- I have had plenty of days of joy, excitement, anticipation, tenderness and love towards someone I have never seen.....

But, today I am reminded I am human and being a mom will only continue my need for Jesus- for his comfort, wisdom and perspective.